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Oh and just to be clear: Commenting on how a woman could be your Nubian queen or your sweet Oriental flower is not substantive.
Even if you do have a creepy racial fetish, announcing it will do you zero favors (although if you do have a creepy racial fetish, maybe deal with that through pornography and therapy, and don’t bring real live human beings into it?
There are lots of reasons why someone may sign into OK Cupid, check their messages, and not message you back. Or, they might be checking their inbox quickly, and will respond later. But the quickest way to get yourself classified as a psycho is to message someone more than once without getting a reply. Repeat messaging says, “I am a creep with boundary issues.” And sure, there’s someone out there for everyone, but you will widen your dating pool by not being a creep with boundary issues.
Yes, we’re all animals here and yes, dating is initially about physical attraction, but there has to be something more to make a relationship (or even a not-totally-painful date) work out.
Do you live in Tennessee and are up for some long-distance chatting but she’s in New York and wants someone local?
Move on to someone who’s interested in people of your gender, location, age, etc.
The answer to that may seem obvious, but just in case it isn’t let me say: writing a great first message in online dating is critical to success or failure in your dating life.
We can tell when your message is copied and pasted to multiple people.You would think “don't be a dick” would be obvious, but there are apparently legions of people (mostly dudes) who adopt crappy pick-up artist tactics in their online dating lives, and think they might get lucky by sending vaguely (or blatantly) insulting messages to unsuspecting recipients (negging is actually a thing! Is there some low-self-esteem lady out there who might respond to a message about how ugly she is?Sure, maybe, but the odds are slim — and since this is the internet, even women who have been strongly socialized to be nice to cretins in bars are able to hit the delete key.Funny is good, but if you are not actually funny, don’t strain anything trying to be.Straightforward and nice is infinitely better than trying to be funny and failing miserably. There are lots of reasons why someone might not message you back. Now have patience, or set your sights on one of the 10,000 other single people in your area.
Online dating: It is not that hard, and yet so many people make it so hard.